Written by
Lea Johnson
“‘It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities.’”
-J.K. Rowling, Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
An Icy Promise
A choice that began with a promise on an icy road. We had been in Alaska, our “forever” home, for seven months and it looked nothing like we thought it would. It was hard and lonely. We were disillusioned and confused. Every day felt like a choice to keep moving forward, to figure out how to “be us” in this place, and on that icy road, it felt like it was all crumbling for my oldest child.
Lucia has always been happiest at the barn. Since her first time on a horse named Kenny, who we still talk about now, 11 years later, Lucia has been enamored with that entire world. She wasn’t drawn to competing; she loved the work itself- the relationship with this animal that could demolish her in a second if it so chose. At twelve, she was a barn manager intern in Pennsylvania and was responsible for mucking stalls, turnout, feeding, and rehabbing the hurt horses. She thrived. It was her safe place, and where she felt most herself.
The riding was important, but for her, it paled in comparison to the relationship. Her sense of accomplishment came, not through ribbons and accolades, but through the trust built and friendship forged between horse and rider in the small, quiet, unnoticed moments they shared.
Moving around so much, she never had the luxury of choosing a riding discipline to pour herself into until we moved to Pennsylvania, and there she found dressage. Dressage offers a kind of dance that, to the untrained eye, can seem deceptively simple. But beneath that grace is a partnership earned over months and years of building trust through work and consistently showing up for each other. The harder the horses made her work, the more she loved her sport.
And there on that icy road, I could feel it slipping away. Up here, we simply didn’t have access to any of it- not to a trainer, not to a horse to lease, not to the life that she had built around the barn. I was a mama desperate to keep the door to her dream open; to do whatever was in my power to help her reach her goals. So, I made a promise. I made a choice. Her dreams may be delayed, but I could control one thing; her access to a horse. We just had to find one.
Bruce
We stepped far outside of our comfort zone and began the search for a horse, and we found perfection in a huge Warmblood named Bruce. Their connection was immediate. I had never seen her so fluidly become one with any other horse she had ridden, so we chose him to be her partner and began the process of getting him to Alaska.
However, the horse who arrived in our new home was not the horse we bought. He had been injured in transport, had lost weight and muscle. He was feeble and scared as he stepped off the trailer. Lucia and I looked at each other, realizing that in choosing this horse we had just walked into being responsible for this living creature and we had no idea yet how to meet his needs. The number of things I didn’t know was staggering; still is. My learning curve was steeper than the mountains I see as I drive to the barn. Our abilities were stretched.
The next few months were a blur of challenges. Early winter mornings driving through the snow and sleet to work with Bruce to build the trust we knew he needed to feel for us, to build him back up, physically and mentally. Lucia felt his power as he bolted from under her, fearful of his new surroundings and the leftover trauma of his transport injury.
Side by side, they worked to build his confidence and their belief in each other. She was tenacious in her love and care for him, and every day she showed up for him, whether she wanted to or not. He humbled us in ways we didn’t expect. We learned our limits, then we moved the ball further down the court. We refused to give up on him, and he refused to give up on us.
A Diagnosis
When a career ending diagnosis came our way as the flowers began pushing up through the fresh grass of spring, we realized that Bruce needed something different from us, so instead of choosing what she wanted, my brave girl chose him. Instead of pushing him to ride at Lucia’s level, we chose simple afternoons around the arena. Chose him when Lucia decided not to show this summer because it would have been too painful for him. Chose him when she gave up her sport to give him what he needed; a partner who would listen to what he was telling her instead of asking him to be who she wanted him to be.
I thought choosing Bruce initially was the hard part. The leap into ownership and the responsibility that came with it felt enormous. I didn’t realize that buying him would be the easiest part. By the time Lucia had to lay down her goals for his well-being, choosing Bruce felt like the only choice.
That little girl who cried herself to sleep at night because she missed Kenny the camp pony has become the almost grown young woman who is willing to give up her childhood dreams because the horse she loves needs something different from her. This is character.
Our abilities may determine what we can accomplish, but our choices reveal what matters to us.
Again and again and again
I don’t know what comes next for Bruce and us. His diagnosis means there are hard decisions ahead, the hardest kinds, and for perhaps the first time in this journey, we don’t yet know what the right choice is. But I do absolutely know WHO the choice will be for.
We chose Bruce when we brought him home, and we have been choosing him in a million tiny ways ever since. And whatever comes next, we will choose him again… and again… and again.
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LEA JOHNSON is the Executive Director and Development Director of Veteran’s Spouse Project (VSP) and Owner and CEO of Sliger Holdings, LLC.
Lea is a leader in community and military outreach. It was during the height of the War on Terror—while serving in the 82nd Airborne Division’s Wounded Warrior Committee and creating and managing Care Teams in support of family members experiencing trauma during deployments—when Lea’s interactions with these families revealed her passion for giving spouses safe spaces in which to express their stories. This led to her work with Veteran’s Spouse Project.
Lea holds a Masters of Science degree from the University of Florida, Gainesville in Elementary Education with a specialization in Literacy. She also holds an Executive Certificate in Transformational Nonprofit Leadership through the Mendoza School of Business at Notre Dame. Lea has taught in classrooms in both Florida and North Carolina. She is the CEO of Sliger Holdings, LLC, a real estate holding company in Port Orange, FL. She was an owner and board member of Sliger and Associates, Inc. for over 20 years. She is also the founder of the non-profit, Let it Shine Celebrations. Let It Shine provides birthday parties to families experiencing homelessness in the Fayetteville, NC community.
Lea was a proud military spouse for 21 years before her husband, Colonel (R) Johnson retired from the Army. Rick, Lea, and their three kids have settled in Eagle River, Alaska.
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